Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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