it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
