his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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