I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
