Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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