My liver just broke up with me...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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