At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
