Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
