That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
