My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
