oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
