we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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