Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
