his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
