she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
