can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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