Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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