I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
