Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
