We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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