you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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