Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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