these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do vagina's smell?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont even know how to be here
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
