Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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