I'm really into asian looking animals
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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