God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
