ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
