today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
