So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize