All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
