I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
