After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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