Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
