shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
