Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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