I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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