i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
