am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
