Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
