Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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