Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
love makes seman taste better
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
