Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
