can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
