I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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