I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
