Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
