True but thats because hes a fetus.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he laminated a picture of his dick.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We need a shit load of segways right now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
