I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
