Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I sprained my soul last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
