Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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