I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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