I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
