I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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