wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
