i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
