Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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