3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
