I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
