Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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