In America we eat man semen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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