i permit you to call me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
