I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
