I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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