So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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