if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
