Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
