We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
