Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
