I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
