I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
