It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize