In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
