dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
