this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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