You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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