So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
