My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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