you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
