it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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