He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
